Trilingual = Indonesian, French, English

Videos: Joseph reads in three languages, Louise tells story in Indonesian

Tue, 29 Jan 2013 08:45:33 GMT

Just a quick update on kids' trilingualism. Enjoy!

Jo, now 9 years old, reads in Indonesian, French and English

Louise, 5 years old, tells story in Indonesian

Some changes in our lives

Sat, 11 Aug 2012 22:17:57 GMT

My last post was written in December at the dawn of summer 2011, which was more than 6 months ago. Besides neglecting this blog repeatedly, I've also deactivated my Facebook account since autumn 2012 as a result of FB fatigue and too many happenings - for those who used to follow this blog might know it began last year already- and I thought it would help to disappear from the social network for awhile. It does. I feel more relaxed and focus better on solving the matters, which I recap below.

In this month of August, the city of Sydney is going through its last weeks of winter 2012. Winter of average 15 degr C that is -sometimes even 20 degr- with mostly sunny days. I'm writing from my work corner, at our new house. Yes, we moved to a new place three weeks ago, this time just 800 meters away from where we used to live. We viewed dozens of places for two weeks, did the packing for another 2 weeks, used the movers to remove the big furniture in 1 day, followed by 4 days of husband and Joseph - and Louise- going back and forth removing the rest. Although still messy, we are happy to get this place. Not only that we have a larger space but also because it is just meters away from the public transport, which makes it easier for me to commute to the university.

Yep, I've been doing my post-graduate research program since two weeks, taking MPhil for now and working to upgrade it to PhD by winter next year. My thesis' topic is around this blog's, which is on Indonesian language. It means, unlike my bachelor's and master's which were in law, this time I'm within the social science sphere. Without 'proper' background in linguistics/anthropology/sociology, I need to catch up on lots of basic and not-so-basic theories before the upgrade deadline. The good thing is, since I've been working on this multilingualism for the past 8 years I'm now very much in love with this field, so although challenging, I found it exciting at the same time.

My process to get back to the university began in January 2012, a week after our return from summer holiday in Jakarta. At that time I was sure I wanted to formalize my research and sent my informal introduction to two universities. Both were interested in my topic but one strongly recommended me to apply to the other university. The proposal writing and application began in March, including taking the academic IELTS test (in which I scored 8.5 out of 9, a rather sweet surprise I should say), compiling my rather oldies bachelor's and master's transcripts and certificates, recommendation letters plus that very serious proposal of 4000 words, all with the deadline of end of April. I got the offer letter two months later which I accepted within seconds. It changed my status. After 8 years, I'm now again back to the work force which simplifies my identity from the longish "homemaker/trailing wife/independent researcher and writer/ex lawyer" into "postgraduate research student".

My eldest son Joseph got very confused and asked, in Indonesian, "How come you haven't finished your school when you were young? Were you that naughty?" My daughter, Louise, asked "Mama dan teman-teman main di halaman sekolah juga?/ Do you also play at the playground with your friends?" LOL.

Another change for us: we received our permanent residency a couple of months ago, after a bit more than 2 years living in Australia. It was only weeks before my university application deadline and I was so needing the PR status as domestic research students do not have to pay the tuition fee. Good timing. And for those who wonder how we got it so fast, PR sponsorship was part of the package offered by my husband's office when he was hired.

Change of immigration status was followed by dealing with the authority. You see, unlike in the US, Germany or Holland - the countries we used to live in - in Australia, only PR have access to the local system, such as, public healthcare, local driver's license, public school or government assistance. During the first 2 months holding the PR, we were running here and there to convert our foreign facilities into locals. I do not want to get into detail but Australian government administration is, most of the time, inefficient. Dealing with the American, Dutch or German authorities were very straightforward compare to the Australian's. Those countries' systems might be complicated but at least theirs work just fine. The Australian web of bureaucracy has lots of holes and errors which often caught us in between. It was frustrating and tiring. After going back and forth to fix mistakes they did with our files, everything is almost settled now.

On the multilingual department, Joseph and Louise are still trilingual Indonesian-French-English. They continue going to the French school. Jo will start the 4th grade and Louise will enter kindergarten next week. Joseph's routine of learning from the Indonesian school books and reading novels/encyclopedias/biographies in Indonesian does not change. He is now reading a childhood book of mine about Mozart - I brought it from Indonesia when Joseph was still a baby living in Chicago - something that touches me very much as it was one of my favorite books.

Louise is still illiterate and will learn how to read and write in French and English this year. Like what I did with Joseph, I will only teach her to read in Indonesian after she's fluent reading and writing in the school languages. My daughter loves to learn and I am curious about how she handles multiliteracy throughout her school years.

Having written them down, things we went through didn't seem to bad. But no, I definitely don't want to repeat any of those application or conversion or moving processes, at least not in the next 2-3 years. It's now 9 am, Sunday. Louise woke up some minutes ago, which means the rest will soon follow. I better start the oven for our Sunday breakfast of Egg Avocado. Yummy!!

"A Woman's Work" (my article on The Jakarta Globe)

Fri, 23 Dec 2011 02:45:03 GMT

I more or less wrapped up my thoughts on contemporary gender issues in article titled "A Woman's Work", published by The Jakarta Globe today, Friday 23 December.

Do you also feel the same about the wifework you've been doing in your household?

We will be going to Indonesia for a good month. Kids are very excited to see their grandparents and cousins again. They also made a list of food they want to eat to their hearts content: risoles, nasi goreng, mie goreng, somay.

I wish you all a very merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Housewife Forever, NOT!

Fri, 02 Dec 2011 02:39:34 GMT

Some paragraphs quote from “Professional Progress: Why Women Still Don't Have Wives”, Chapter 4: Having it All – New Option, New Myth, Sub Chapter: Free Options, pp. 137, by Terri Apter.

Motherhood is not forever – not, at any rate, in its most binding structure, wherein constant care, constant supervision and constant attention are required.

Women’s lives are often sequenced by their families, so that even those women who have taken the traditional burdens of home life upon them still have a chance, later on, to develop their expansive needs, having fulfilled both their affiliative obligations and desires.

Perhaps we can have it all, without harming anyone, or cheating anyone, or putting ourselves under stress – if only we have it all consecutively rather than coincidentally. We cannot have it all at once - but perhaps we can manage to have it all during the course of a lifetime?

For many women midlife presents new options, new releases. Many women experience in midlife, as family burdens ease, a sense of opportunity lost or denied to them in the past. The sense of expansion women feel when their children leave home may rush to fill the emptiness and loss which she is expected to experience.

Lilian Rubin has exposed the inaccuracy of the empty-nest syndrome, whereby midlife women are expected to suffer depression when their children leave home. Instead, having witnessed the various stages of their children’s maturity and independence, they feel the pleasure of completion and the anticipation of new beginnings. They now have time for themselves and see a wealth of new opportunities

------------------

By leaving our jobs and supporting our husbands’ global career, most trailing wives like me have taken the traditional burdens of home life.

My own TCK experience, where I saw my mother’s busy life while supporting my father’s diplomatic job, made me prepare myself rather well prior to this traveling life. When still packing our stuffs to move from Holland to the US, I already had a clear vision in mind of what I wanted to do at home - doing research which then leads me to write – so I began to build my mobile career very early. It seems, like the above quoted paragraph said, I’ve been fulfilling both my affiliative obligation while partly pursuing my expansive needs.

And yes, kids are growing and year-by-year I have more time for myself.

However, I DON’T want to wait until my kids are in college to ‘see a wealth of new opportunities’!

Some months ago, I thought I should start looking for a job outside the house. A flexible and moveable job so whenever we need to move again it won’t complicate the matter.

After some more thinking, I changed my mind. I decided it’s about time for me to pursue what I really want, without basing it on the convenience of my husband’s career (I’ve been doing that for 8 years!). I needed him to compromise so I can also achieve my dream.

Husband agreed that all those research and writing of mine should be more formalised. He supported my newest plan to take a PhD degree and also liked the idea of me thickening the writing portfolio while waiting for our Australian Permanent Residency (I can only get the PhD funding after holding the permanent resident).

We then renegotiated our responsibility at home. I needed the household burden of planning, organizing, scheduling, remembering, worrying, anticipating, orchestrating, arranging and coordinating to be shared more equally. It would be very hard for me to publish more if almost everything is still on me.

The renewed pact was born.

I was happy.

But not for long.

I thought enacting our renewed pact would be easy. I thought since I’ve been doing more than 80% of the house responsibility to support his career, now he will do the same by shifting a bit of the burden from my shoulders to his. I only asked it to be more equally shared as I knew he wouldn’t be able to cater like I did (I left my job and of course he won’t and can’t).

Too bad the perfect scenario didn’t happen.

After months of having the battle of the sexes, I felt e.x.h.a.u.s.t.e.d. The renewed pact gave little result. I spent more time and energy feeling hurt and cheated. And barely progressed on my reading and writing.

Thus I decided to follow the lead of those strong mothers and wives, which is, to let go. I don't expect anything from him anymore and focus on my goal ...

... which makes me feel good. And you know it’s important to feel good.

Am I going to be happy with this let-go strategy? Maybe not.

Will I be able to publish more while still doing most of the household work? I don’t know. Yet I’m sure I should not let the unequal share of household work prevent me from trying.

Am I thus suffering from a ‘simultaneous superwoman syndrome’ implied by the quoted paragraph? I don’t think so. I’ve been working on my wifery role for 8 years out of our 11 years of marriage.

I want to get my life back.

And I don’t want to start when I’m all wrinkled.

"Fun With Reading": Another Effort to Encourage Indonesian Parents to Raise Kids in Indonesian

Sun, 27 Nov 2011 01:05:54 GMT

When making this video of directly translating a German book to Indonesian for Joseph's story time, I was actually thinking about recording our story time on a regular basis. However we moved to Australia not long after and with all the packing-relocating-unpacking and adjustment in Sydney, this thing slipped off my mind.

Until I found a message from Ake, one of my best friends who now lives in California. She asked me to upload more videos of me interacting in the Indonesian language with my children, especially the part where I teach Indonesian nursery rhymes. (Ake and I used to run the Kelompok Bermusik dan Berkarya (Music and Art Group), when we were still living in Chicago)

So I recorded our regular story time today.

For now, I will focus on reading only and plan to make them in several series, consist of 5 videos each.

This project is called Membaca Riang Gembira (Fun with Reading)

During my 8 years of raising multilingual children in 4 countries, I found that mainstream Indonesian parents are demotivated when it comes to book reading.

I hope the videos will encourage the can-do-attitude of my fellow Indonesians. If the parents happen to have some Indonesian books around, I imagine they would then start to read more regularly to their kids after watching our videos. If they don't or if story time is not part of their routine, they could simply watch our videos together with their kids.

Comments and suggestions are welcome.

Two Days in Port Stephens

Sun, 20 Nov 2011 04:31:39 GMT

We went to Port Stephens, Australia's Blue Water Paradise last mid-week

Highlights of Day 1

A bit of hiking in Tomaree National Park ....

... to view this not-so-blue Anna Bay (too cloudy!)

Dolphin Watch, departing from Nelson Bay. We got lucky with those many friendly dolphins following our boat!

Highlights of Day 2

Pelicans at the Soldiers Point

Kids never got enough of water, Fingal Beach

Surrounded by water at the Fingal Spit

Believe it or not, it was our first out-of-Sydney leisure after living for nearly 2 years in Australia :D!

My Publication on The Jakarta Post: "Do You Follow Your Husband to the Restroom?"

Mon, 24 Oct 2011 05:49:22 GMT

What is a trailing wife? Lots of people still have no idea what it means, but got the nerve to laugh at this job.

An incident had triggered me to write this article, published by today's Jakarta Post, with a hope that more people would understand the hard work behind this taken-for-granted job.

~~Copy paste of the article is below~~. Oh, actually I just realized that the editor changed the content, grammar wise. So I decided to put below the original-unedited version of the article.

Trailing Wife? Do You Also Follow Your Husband to the Restroom?
By: Santi Dharmaputra
Sydney, Australia
(click here for the published version)

I got the honour to meet a leading researcher at the Indonesia Update Conference 2011 in Canberra. She asked what I did for a living, in which I answered that I was a trailing wife.

The lady gave a big laugh. “Trailing wife. Ikut suami. Is it written on her Indonesian identity card that her job is ikut suami? Does it mean the spouse follows her husband everywhere, even to the restroom?” she asked again.

Although I considered her ridicule inappropriate, she was actually not the first person who had misunderstood the meaning of trailing wife.

Amongst those whose work assignments bring them to relocate to another city and/or abroad - such as diplomats, expatriates, military or researchers - more than 80% are men, with 70% of which are married.

This means, if an Indonesian woman married to one of them - whatever nationality this man holds- and at some point his work relocates her from the city/country she currently lives in, she will be regarded as a trailing wife.

According to 2008 survey by Permit Foundation, 90% of spouses were employed before the relocation. Yet for varying reasons, only 35% carry out paid work during their life abroad. Some spouses do not have work permit or cannot find a job satisfying enough. Some families relocate within a very short period, leaving the accompanying partner too little time to find a job. The rest still have very young children.

Once a woman opts for following her husband, she should be ready to leave her comfort zone and deal with culture shock repeatedly. She should convert a cold space into a home and, with little help, navigate the family’s daily life in a new environment. Sometimes she is also required to be actively involved in her husband’s social functions. On top of that, a trailing spouse has to be efficient enough to pack the home back into container boxes when the family relocates once more.

If the family has children, the trailing spouse’s work expands to raising their Third Culture Kids (TCK). TCK - children raised outside their passport countries- who, according to sociologist Ted Ward are the prototype citizens of the future, need their parents more after they have been uprooted.

As shown by David Pollock – an American sociologist - and Ruth van Reken, beside the many benefits of growing-up abroad, such as multilingualism and expanded worldview, children also experience the downside, like unresolved grief and lack of true cultural balance. Ideally both parents should proactively bring them up, however, most primary global breadwinners spend long working hours or prolonged absence from home. This means the task of raising TCK falls mostly on the mother’s shoulders.

Despite such high commitment, huge responsibility and multiple roles, a trailing wife is unfortunately still taken for granted. Like a housewife supporting her husband, a trailing wife following her husband is not considered a real job.

Anne Kingston, author of The Meaning of Wife, revealed that successful single women sneer at the wifely role because it is associated with the traditional good wife imagery of servitude, subordination and self-sacrifice. Husband in a travelling family earns the money while the wife stays home, which is seen as representing this image.

Further, society tends to frown upon a woman’s choice to drop her paycheck in favour of supporting family abroad. They deem her as wasting her professional talent since, up to today, family-caring work is equated to ‘doing nothing’ and therefore managing household affairs means ‘unoccupied’.

On the contrary, my observation in five different countries has shown that - next to the already busy homemaking - many Indonesian trailing wives conduct fruitful activities. For example, a former economist becomes an avid marathon runner, a previously public relation officer turns a scrapbook-kit designer, an architect now runs a catering business, and a former teacher publishes novels. The list can go on and on. Besides, there are also those who actively involve themselves in volunteer work, such as, for cancer or poverty relief. Some others pursue a higher education degree.

Referring to Robin Pascoe, author of A Broad Abroad, the travelling life has taught these women to see themselves as interdependent -rather than dependent- of their husbands. They come to find skills outside their education background and define success beyond the materialistic way of money. They utilize their past professional experiences to creatively find stimulating projects wherever they live.

Through the internet and international community in their neighbourhood, these trailing wives apply borderless marketing strategy. Later when it is time to relocate, they bring along such non-traditional mobile career. Some keep on discovering another expertise and novelty next to the new skill they have, which add up to their curriculum vitae, and might even lead them back to those regular pay checks they left behind.

The fact that these women empower themselves and are functional in the community is rarely acknowledged. Society at large still prefers the stereotype portrayal of glamorous, unproductive and gossiping-at-coffee-mornings trailing wives.

In spite of their success in building international professions, when somebody asks what they do or what brings them to a particular country, their answer might simply be: trailing wife or ikut suami. This short reply, however, brings most listeners to the cliché image that triggers smirk or mock, just like the one I received from the lady researcher.

And replying to her questions: Yes, ikut suami is a job and can be put on our Indonesian identity card. But no, I am sure the trailing wife’s husband is capable of going to the restroom by himself, thank you.

The author is a trailing wife who raises two multilingual children and currently resides in Sydney, Australia. Her research is on multilingualism, multiculturalism and cross-culture-kids. She blogs at http://trilingual.livejournal.com.

Six Months of Turmoil

Mon, 10 Oct 2011 12:22:56 GMT

My life from March to September was harsh.

Starting with this where my identity as adult TCK- in which I had been contented with the global nomad life- was conflicting with my status as a trailing wife.

Then in this posting I was thinking about going back to work. Between the lines, I tortured myself by wondering if the choice I had made 7 years ago - where I traded my secured job in Holland with a travelling life- was actually right.

When still struggling and feeling bad about myself, I had a planned sinus-procedure in June. Unfortunately, the supposed to be simple day-surgery turned bad. I was oozing non-stop during and after the procedure. At the end of the day, having failed to stop the bleeding with local anaesthesia (seriously, it felt like giving birth. Through your nostril), the surgeon ordered an ambulance to transfer me to the hospital. I went through a major surgery the next day, which, thank goodness, went well. I spent two nights at the hospital.

The high dose of drugs from two procedures plus the large amount of blood I lost, left me weak and depressed for two months after.

On top of that, my right arm got calcific tendonitis (the pain reminded me of birthing contraction. Ouch).
---------

I wept a lot weeks post-surgery. The anemia, depression and tendonitis that followed didn’t help. I felt weak physically and mentally and was basically living in a cocoon of despair, unable to connect with other human beings. As my body was craving for nutrition, I ate five to six square meals per day, however, without feeling any better afterwards. I trembled from cold no matter how many layers I wore. Even worse, I had macabre dreams whenever I closed my eyes.

On the other hand, the bodily pain and depression made my imagination go wild. I finished a 200-page draft of a novel manuscript.

Seeing my condition, both my ENT surgeon and GP suggested acupuncture. The treatment worked out. Symptoms of those maladies were getting less after three sessions each.

In the meantime, I talked a lot with my husband. We renegotiated our role as partners in marriage by arguing, fighting and screaming at each other. At that time, I came to realize that no matter how connected my husband and I were, he was still a man and I was a woman. Our expectations and point of views were different. It was a bitter revelation, but thank goodness, at one point we stopped our attempt to kill each other, talked like rational adults and managed to find a solution good enough for both.

Thus, the horrible six months is almost over.

Although I have to be careful when moving my arm and still unable to play the piano, I can use it almost normally.

I also resume my 10-km/week walks without feeling anemic.

I continue my research and writing since the beginning of this month.

And had lost 2 out of the 3 kg I gained during bed rest.

Oh, you know, a week after the surgery my husband travelled to the US, leaving me alone with the children. Surprisingly enough, Joseph and Louise behaved very well. They understood that mama was very sick and kept the noise and mess to the minimum. Before that, I didn’t realize both were growing and were capable of doing house chores. Joseph has been having responsibilities since then, such as emptying the dishwasher and keeping track of toilette papers supply. Louise’s chore is to keep the lounge cabinet tidy. Every night before bedtime, they also clean up their toys from around the house and put them back (more or less) neatly in their bedroom.

Moreover, the post-surgery days had taught me a lot. I came to understand that the cycle of self discovery repeated itself. My relationship with husband was renewed and our affection towards each other became stronger. The negotiation with him made me more aware of my rights as a human being. Besides, I made peace with my identities as a (trailing) wife and mother.

I feel (almost) content.

The most crucial point, my parenting style changes a bit. I’ve always been the strict mama who believed in scheduling, discipline and tough love. I still am. But during those weeks in bed, my kids often accompanied me. Their laugh, silly act and hug had softened me.

Now I cuddle and kiss my kids more than ever.

I am writing with the background of Gounod/Bach’s Ave Maria, played by violin maestro Jascha Heifetz.

Life is good.

Reading:
1. A Broad Aboard: The Expat's Wife Successful Guide of Living Abroad. By Robin Pascoe
2. A Moveable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship Without Breaking It. By Robin Pascoe.
3. The Meaning of Wife: A Provocative Look at Women and Marriage in the 21st Century. By Anne Kingston
4. Third Culture Kids: Growing Up Among World. By David Pollock and Ruth v. Reken
5. Transnational Lives: Expatriates in Indonesia. By Anne-Meike Fechter
6. Trilingual postings, tagged Gender

Literacy: The Best Way for School-Age Kids to Develop The Mother Tongue

Fri, 19 Aug 2011 22:49:47 GMT

Long time ago, an Indonesian lady gave comment when hearing me speak Indonesian to baby Joseph. She said it’s a lost cause to try raising our kids in Indonesian language abroad. It might work for a while but once at school, there will be no hope for the Indonesian language to survive.

Now 3rd grader Joseph still speaks Indonesian although he never lives in Indonesia and goes to American/French-German/French-English schools in three different countries.

The key is to teach him read and write in Indonesian once his literacy skill in the school language is strong enough.

The journey of Joseph reading in my mother tongue began around December 2010.

Our home library. It's a collection of Indonesian books we gather for almost 8 years. We bought them in Jakarta during our holidays and brought some at a time in our luggage.

Through reading, he gets to know words rarely used in verbal, like gunung berapi (volcano), buang air besar (going to the bathroom for number two), cacing tambang (hookworm).

He finds different levels of subject pronouns Anda-Saya (vous-je in French), Kamu-Aku (tu-je in French) cool as they are almost unknown in English.

Joseph and Louise discover many ways to amuse themselves through triliteracy. For example, they borrowed some titles of Tintin in French and English from the library and curiously compared them to the Indonesian ones we have at home. They found there were two versions of the Indonesian Tintin: the one translated from English where the names Thom(p)son and Snowy are used, and the one from French with Dupon(d) and Milo. They got very excited!

Another way is by using public media. For instance, on the Indonesian monthly magazine published in Sydney, Joseph got to know words related to our country's independence when playing the 'Finding Words' game. Proklamasi (proclamation), dirgahayu Indonesia (anniversary of Indonesia) are jargons used mostly in writing. If he didn't ask I might never remember to explain.

In the meantime, he's been learning spelling, grammar and essay writing in French and English at school. When Joseph wrote the Indonesian words kamu (you) and aku (me) in a mixture of French and English spellings (‘camou’, ‘uckou’), I knew it's time to write in Indonesian.

He started in April 2011.

Books to teach Joseph to write

On holidays, he does the exercise daily. During school days, he does it on Fridays and weekends.

We follow the book lesson by lesson and now working on spelling and sentence building. Joseph reads some texts, copies the questions and writes down the answers. Sometimes a lesson asks him to retell a story in writing, arrange a jumbled sentence into a good paragraph and draw conclusion from a poem.

Besides, my kids learn some typical Indonesian school activities from these books. For example, pupils over there take turn in cleaning the class room, follow weekly flag raising ceremony and visit some touristic places on field trips ('Tangkuban Perahu' in West Java, 'Keraton Jogja' in Central Java, 'Taman Mini' in Jakarta).

To tell you the truth, my son is less eager to write. He often bargains to read more in exchange of writing less. I told him that if he works hard, he will be the only one in his class who knows how to write in Indonesian. So far it's enough to make him finish his exercise of the day :D.

FAQ

1. What’s the key to raise kids in our mother tongue abroad?
Please see my January posting.

2. Does Joseph’s English develop like his French and English?
No. French is now his strongest language while English and Indonesian are more or less on the same level.

3. Why is it important to read and write in Indonesian?

a. When kids read and write in the school language, we should teach them to read and write in the home language. This way, our native tongue and school language will develop (almost) equally.

b. Literacy in Indonesian opens up a whole new dimension of the Indonesian language. It helps my kids (Joseph and Louise) to be fully aware of their Indonesian heritage. Literacy makes them appreciate things related to Indonesia in the the same way as they value everything about France. For example: when they learn the French flag and anthem, they could then read about Indonesian flag and anthem at home.

c. It will improve their Indonesian language and will serve as a foundation for more active use in the future. In this globalised world, it's a huge benefit for adult Indonesian to speak, read and write Indonesian. For instance, instead of putting only 1 or 2 acquired language(s) on their resume, they would be able to put 3 or 4! It's known that major global employers tend to value their staff's multiliteracy.

4. How do we teach our kids to read in Indonesian?
Please see my January posting.

5. Aren't you pushing your kids too much?
No. Parents should understand that multiliteracy doesn't happen overnight. It is a long and step by step process. It will work out only if we commit ourselves to the goal. We also have to do it with patience, love and care. Please see my January posting.

Interview with Parenting Indonesia Magazine (August 2011)

Fri, 05 Aug 2011 00:46:39 GMT

Gita Riastuti from Parenting Indonesia magazine interviewed me on bilingualism. The fact that more parents in big cities in Indonesia raise their kids in English is worrying. Especially most of them are not aware of the long term consequence if their Indonesian children possess weak foundation of the mother tongue.

On my side, seven years of raising my kids in Indonesian, it becomes clearer that the command of Indonesian language among schoolage children raised abroad is almost non-existence. The older the kids, the harder it is to find other parents who are really committed in raising their kids in the Indonesian language.

A very common example is, whenever I gather with other Indonesians, we parents would chat in Indonesian. But most parents would then switch to English when speaking with their kids. Although it's an Indonesian gathering. Although the parents are 100% Indonesian. The reason is: it's simpler to converse in English because their kids' English is more fluent. They wish to keep the Indonesian language but they consider it impossible as their kids read and write in English only (thus leave the Indonesian behind)'.

Which is not true. NOT TRUE. If parents are willing, there are many ways to preserve their kids' Indonesian.

Therefore, it's encouraging to know that an Indonesian parenting magazine writes an article on this matter. Sometime ago, there was also an article reporting that Anggun C Sasmi, an internationally recognized Indonesian singer who lives abroad, raises her kid in mother tongue .

If more Indonesian media feature the importance of mother tongue and if more public figures set examples, probably more parents will follow.

Below is the article on Parenting Indonesia where my views on multilingualism were quoted. It's written in Indonesian (keep on clicking the picture to get readable letters)

Related articles Femina 2009, Jakarta Post 2008

Music and Art Group for Toddlers in Your Own Language: Funny videos, Articles and Tips

Sun, 24 Jul 2011 09:25:07 GMT

Oni Karjadi, a best friend from my Chicago years, put 5 videos of our Indonesian Music & Art Group on my Facebook wall. All videos were taken sometime in 2006 where Joseph was still in diapers (he was 2 yo) and I was pregnant with Louise.

The aim of the group was to introduce Indonesian nursery rhymes and do some art projects. We were all committed to speak Indonesian language only to our kids during that 2-3 hours weekly gathering. The group was motored by Ake (another close friend who now lives in California) and myself. I remember how serious both of us prepared the lesson plan. I did all the arrangement of songs for the piano accompaniments, Ake did loads of searching on the internet for the art parts.

I never realized how cute (and clownish) our playgroup of preschoolers appeared on videos!

more videos are here, here and here

I wrote about this Music and Art Group in Multilingual Living Magazine of November 2007 (click the article twice for readable letters)

Also on tips how to create a Music and Art Group in your language (click the article twice for readable letters)

I never had the chance to recreate another Music and Art Group in Germany or Australia. Now kids are both at school and busy with other activities. I myself is also preoccupied with some attempts to write fictions.

It's feels good though to watch the videos and reread the articles, seeing how efforts from mothers can actually make wonders.

Where Do You Come From?

Wed, 15 Jun 2011 23:41:57 GMT

Where do you come from?

I imagine kids like ours will have to give a long answer to that simple question.

Currently Jo has two passports (French and Indonesian), Lou holds three (French, Indonesian and American).

Jo was born in the Netherlands. Lou in the US.

Both have never lived in Indonesia or France.

Their father is French who is a quarter African (grandpa is a half-African French, grandma comes from Alsace)

Mother is Indonesian, mixed with chinese blood (from both grandpa and grandma sides).

Both father and mother grew-up outside their passport countries.

Jo and Lou themselves have been living in many cultures and different countries throughout their young lives.

They might feel they are a bit of everything. Or none of those.

Because three languages are active at home

Because kids eat French cheese brought by the father and Indonesian food prepared by mother

They also regularly visit their extended families in France and Indonesia

And experience Dutch, American, German and Australian cultures from the country they (used to) live in

They never know what it means to live in a 'single'

As they are 'multi', 'mixed', 'tainted', 'not pure'

Later in life, Jo and Lou might find it bizarre when hearing someone claims that his/her culture is the best

They may think an ethnic group or race is neither better or worse than the other

They probably will argue fiercely that every language is equally difficult and easy

Most likely they will also consider that no religion is good or bad

I imagine they are going to follow the footsteps of their parents to continue living globally

So they can attach and detach themselves from those 'singles'

As they are 'either', 'neither', 'everything', 'nothing'

In the end, kids like ours might never be able to answer 'where do you come from?' in one sentence.

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Inspired by Biking in Heels: You're So Brown and This Indonesian: Natural Discrimination

Beginning of Another Era?

Thu, 26 May 2011 02:40:57 GMT

I’ve been thinking about going back to work. Seriously. With both kids at school 5 days/week, I can do more things outside the house. Publishing my own novel is still something I dream about, but if I could return to work with steady income in the meantime, why not?

This new development, of me not feeling satisfied at home, caught myself by surprise. I thought with kids outside the house, I would be more productive in writing. However, at this stage my ‘writing career’ does not go as I expected. I came to realize that either I write fiction in Indonesian language with theme and mindset based on the mainstream market to publish them in Indonesia, or I write it in English for international audience. Either way needs loads of efforts and a much longer time to come true. With that bitter truth in mind, the abundance of me-time turned into a torture. Instead of brushing up my writing craft, I became counter productive.

Some gender books, sisterhood sessions, tears and angers later, the conclusion was: I need to do something else to make myself feel good again. After all, kids are growing, husband’s career is already on the right track and I’ve been a trailing wife for 7 years. If we ever move again, it will only happen in 4-5 years from now. It’s very normal then for me to be willing to return to the labour market, with a job that promises a clear career track and regular salary, beside being ‘just’ a mommy, a wannabe writer and trailing wife :D.

For several weeks, I did some thinking on jobs I would enjoy. Shall I return to the corporate world, to work as a lawyer in a law firm or bank? What about teaching piano? Or becoming a language instructor?

With law degrees from Indonesia and the Netherlands, and my last corporate job being in Amsterdam, from which I resigned in 2004, I could imagine it would be tough for me to rejoin a legal team. Even if a bank or law firm hires me, I guess it would be a round-the-clock job with pressure to get the local license asap. With two young kids in tow, I don’t think I would want to do that to myself, although based on the job search I did on the net, the salary could be tempting.

Another option is teaching piano. I used to teach children at a music school when in college. Besides, I’ve been teaching my own kids since 4 years ago so I’m still up-to-date with the methodology. If I want to build a teaching career, I need to practice at least 5-6 hours daily on my own, to be able to pass the Australian teaching certificate exam. Appealing. I save this option for future needs.

Language instructor. A couple of moms from my kids’ school did courses on teaching English for foreigners and/or teaching other languages to Australians/foreigners. One of them now teaches here and there, with manageable schedule so she can still pick up her kids from school. I can imagine myself doing that. It goes hand-in-hand with my interests and would be valuable for my own kids if mommy knows the current teaching trends (applicable to their multilingualism, school work, everything). I’m willing to become a student again to get the Australian teaching certificate. The course coordinator ensures me, that my English teaching certificate from Indonesia and brief experience of teaching English to adults (also during my university years) in combination with a current teaching education, would be a good restarting point. Thus, my plan is to follow the full-time teaching course in October.

After some weeks feeling confused with this I-wanna-do-something-else fever (and, honestly, I belittled myself quite often lately), the energy and self-appreciation return. I was earning my own income since in college with steady and money-earning careers of 9 years (until my husband’s job moved us from Holland to the USA). Then I chose to become a homemaker, trailing my husband’s job for 7 years where I’ve been digging my interests in raising multilingual kids, teaching my kids piano, research and publication, in 4 different countries. I should give myself some credits to those 9 and 7 years.

Once more I'm assessing the right to choose what I want to do with my life. I will become a studying mom in a couple of months, and hopefully soon after, a working mom. I guess this new era will become equally (if not more) satisfying and challenging.

Sources:
1. “Off-Ramps and On-Ramps: Keeping Talented Women on the Road to Success”. By Sylvia Ann Hewlett;
2. “The Price of Motherhood: Why the Most Important Job in the World is Still the Least Valued”. By Ann Crittenden
3. “Wifework: What Marriage Really Means for Women”. By Susan Maushart.
4. “The Seasons of a Woman’s Life: A Fascinating Explorations of the Events, Thoughts and Life Experiences that All Women Share”. By Daniel J. Levinson.
5. “Gender, Migration and the Dual Career Household”. By E. Hardill.

Women Emancipation: Interview with SBS Radio Australia

Thu, 28 Apr 2011 12:47:31 GMT

I was interviewed by SBS Radio Australia on 21 April 2011, which is Kartini Day in Indonesia. Kartini is our national heroine, symbol of women's emancipation.

They feature me as an Indonesian woman who chooses to become a trailing wife, raises two kids in the Indonesian language (although married to a foreigner and live abroad) and at the same time (tries) to take her writing hobby to a more serious level.

On the first part, I talk about what it means to be a trailing wife (both positive and negative consequences), how I cope with this often misunderstood life (it's more struggle than glamour). Second part is about multilingual parenting, with emphasize in raising kids in the Indonesian language, with some brief tips.

I do hope this interview will encourage my fellow countrymen to keep their efforts in consistently speaking vernacular to their children.

We, women and mothers, also have to remember that we always have a choice in life and should not let anybody belittle our role.

The interview is in the Indonesian Language.

Click here to listen

For some reasons, I've been feeling a bit demotivated these past few weeks, but hey, the interview had cheered me up! I should really kick my a## to get back to writiing.

Trailing Wife and She as Herself

Sat, 26 Mar 2011 04:43:40 GMT

I used to take our country hopping for granted, viewing it as something normal for husband and I who grew up abroad. I also mistakenly thought we would never ever feel tired of moving, no matter how frequent it would be. I was forgetting that everybody needs a break and should take some distance from the routine.

I was indeed wrong and amnesic. Humans do need to do something different for a change. Now in Sydney we only want to stay HOME, to enjoy our neighborhood and our new tiny apartment. We do the same boring things every weekend as we desperately need some rest from learning new stuffs. We haven't yet gone outside Sydney, although we've been here for more than a year. We are on a break.

There is also a slight change of perspective regarding my role. Before, I've always seen myself as a cross-culture kid who keeps on relocating in adulthood. Now in OZ I see myself as a tag-along spouse for the first time, after having lots of chats with other moms at school and read books on expatriates.

A tag-along wife should always adapt herself, has heart big enough to constantly support her husband's career (while letting her own career melt down) and be patient with any unexpected turn in life. Once she opts for following her husband (to wherever at whenever time), she should also be ready to leave her comfort zone (ex. from using the public transport in Europe now she needs to drive in the USA, from simply going down the stairs for grocery in Holland now she has to walk uphill to get a simple bread in Sydney, etc) .

On the other hand, it's important for her to find something to do to keep her identity. Not as a mom or trailing wife but as a human being. If not, she might fall into depression. Why? The constant moving always forces her to leave behind her circle of friends and things she loves to do, which leaves her with little or no support in the new country. Doing it once might be ok, but being in a similar situation twice, thrice and more might crumble even the strongest spouse apart. Depressed mom creates unhappy kids and husband, and it can lead to a disastrous marriage for a family on the move. Therefore, having something for herself might help to keep her spirit high. Ideally, she can hold onto this activity/work in good and bad times anywhere in the world.

[Certainly, there are trailing spouses who manage to keep on having employment consistent with what they've been doing since before following their spouses. There are also those who have enough courage to live separately from their spouses so they can keep track of their careers (and travel a lot to visit the husband/wife/family). However, those are outside the scope of this blog post]

Four years ago while living in Chicago, I was lucky enough to have found research and writing as something I enjoy. I have published some articles and a book, but have been through loads of refusals as well. Still, I keep on writing.

I used to treat my writing for granted, as something that came naturally as a homemaker (who wanted to do something outside the house chores). Now I understand that writing and research is THE THING. It's my sanctuary, my source of happiness. It keeps my identity as myself, beyond motherhood or trailing wife. Writing is something I don't mind spending loads of efforts in, simply because I love it.

Me and writing is merely an example. There are many other things a trailing spouse can do. She just needs to find a neglected hobby or a brand new thing she's been interested in (but didn't have time in the past) and turn it into something more serious, long lasting and moveable. Photography, painting, playing musical instrument, needle work, teaching, pursuing another degree, the list can go on and on. Her choice of one or two might become her own miracle(s)!

I hardly underestimate my role, but now appreciate myself even more after seeing it from this trailing spouse point of view. It gives me new energy to achieve things, probably because there is a taste of 'power of mommy' in it :D.

And yes, we should avoid taking things for granted.

copyright Santi Dharmaputra

Readings:
1. The Art of Crossing Cultures (Craig Storti)
2. The Expert Expat (Hess and Linderman)
3. A Movable Marriage: Relocate Your Relationship Without Breaking It (Robin Pascoe)

Bilingual Carnival January Edition

Sat, 05 Feb 2011 22:20:33 GMT

Host for this months' Bilingual Carnival is Abigail from Speaking In Tongues. You will find lots of remarkable, fun and informative blog articles from all over the world, on raising kids multilingually!

Indonesian literacy in a French and English environment: Doable and Fun!!

Mon, 24 Jan 2011 22:35:23 GMT

I found it interesting when most fellow Indonesians 'envied' my kids' ability to converse in Indonesian, but backed up once they knew the amount of work involved. They would usually say 'it's too difficult', or 'I cannot commit', or 'my kids don't want to', or the worst comment of all 'my kids are not talented unlike yours'. They would even ask if there was a fast way to get an instant result to raise multilingual kids.

Reactions toward my publications on multilingualism and coming across many Indonesians in 5 different countries (Indonesia included), made some points clearer to me. An 'Interest ' to raise kids in mother tongue differs from 'willingness'. A will doesn't mean they will actually do it. 'Doing' is not a guarantee for 'struggling until the end'. Therefore, it becomes obvious that my people's success in raising kids in vernaculars might be achieved only when each (a) believes in his/her own strength, (b) understands that everything needs to follow a process (c) stands-up to any obstacle when somebody challenge his/her believe, (d) dares to do things individually (not only in groups).

Of course, it's every parent's right to raise or not to raise their kids in Indonesian language. I respect those who choose to speak foreign language to their children. I really do. However, finding uniformed reactions ('envious' but wants to do it only if it's fast and instant) has ensured me that, in fact, they didn't think it through when dropping the vernacular language. Until one day, they suddenly understood the logic behind it. Unfortunately, lacking of those (a) (b) (c) (d) brings many of my people merely halfway or even nowhere near the language acquisition.

So after digesting these rather disappointing facts, I'm again having the strength to write a detailed account on my kids' language progress, particularly on how to reach literacy in Indonesian within a foreign language environment.

Although the emphasis is on Indonesian language, video clips, photos and explanations might also be useful for those who are serious in building a multilingual household.

Mind you, I'm no expert and merely share my family's experience.

Enjoy!

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At my kids' school (Joseph 7 yo, Louise nearly 4 yo), they learn every subject in French. Math, geography, history, science and what-not. They also get English lesson everyday and read from different books. Both languages are progressing in a lightning speed. I became worried when one day Joseph spoke Indonesian using many French and English nouns and verbs.

From the multilingual parenting resources, I learned that reading is effective to keep the minority language above the water. The broader the subjects, the bigger chance it will survive. We therefore work on (1) books with topics my kids like, and (2) books used in classrooms in my country.

Below is a sample of Joseph reading a subject he likes

Other story books he reads:

A. Comics of his favorite action heros, Ben 10 and Transformers. He's eager to know the story, although the vocabs are way beyond his level. The pictures help him to understand.

B. Topics he didn't know before. Shown on the right are books on Indonesian classic tales (Baratayuda, Timun Mas, Si Kancil, Bebe si Lebah). On the left are a children's magazine (Bobo), popular story (Upin and Ipin) and knowledge kids his age are curious about (The most disgusting science ever). All are fun and new and induce his curiousity.

C. Stories he knew from French and English. On the left are fairy tales (Goldilocks and Three Bears, The Red Riding Hood, The Frog Prince and The Little Match Girl), on the left Tintin, Yakari and Asterix series. I remember both Joseph and Louise would exclaim in surprise and say: Mama, Si Tudung Merah juga kita baca di sekolah! (We also read the Red Riding Hood at school!).

Beside all those leisure readings, below are three clips of Joseph learning from a 'Learning Indonesian Language', used by pupils at schools in Indonesia.

In this clip, he learns the correct intonation in a conversation

Reading in syllables

A poetry.

I bought 'Learning Indonesian' books for 1st and 2nd graders on our last trip to Jakarta.

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A. How do I motivate my kids to read Indonesian?

Parents have to realize that the process is interesting yet challenging, fun yet lenghty.

Raising multilingual kids is like building a house. We have to lay the foundation. The foundation should be strong enough to hold many layers above.

First thing to do, we should speak to them in the target language. Kids learn a language by listening to it regulary. After getting enough inputs, they will start to produce: the speaking part. With more efforts, kids might be interested in reading and then writing.

LISTENING AND SPEAKING .

1. I did my homework by reading a lot of books on multilingualism and raising multilingual kids. Two crucial points: choosing a method and setting a goal.

2. My husband liked the idea of his kids speaking their father's and mother's native languages. We both believe in the importance of knowing the mother tongue of their parents for our multinational/multiethnic/TCK/global nomad children.

3. We chose the One-Parent-One-Language Method (OPOL). Our goal has always been to make them fluent both orally and in writing.

4. We've been using the OPOL since our kids were in my belly. Multilingualism has always been the norm in our family. Joseph and Louise never knew what it means to be monolingual.

5. Consistent and persistent. Husband only speaks French and I only speak Indonesian to my kids. We never mix the languages. We kept on using OPOL even when people stared and gave the same comment as if we were some kind of carnival attractions, or a school teacher challenged our family's multlingualism, or a xenophobic doctor insulted me. We've been raising kids in 4 different countries and we keep on using OPOL. We are as stubborn as mules.

B. Our kids are at a French school, in Germany now in Australia, which are always bilingual with the local language. On one hand, the development of French and the local language are guaranteed. On the other hand, we have to work extra on the Indonesian language. So how do I prevent it from extinction?

PRE-READING SKILL (from birth until they started to read in Indonesian)

1. While doing A 1 to 5 above, I read to them in Indonesian.

2. It's important to start reading in Indonesian early (even when they were newborns!). Written Indonesian differs from the colloquial and bed time or nap time or whatever time story introduces them to the richer vocabs and grammar of the 'high' Indonesian language.

3. I invested in children's books in my language. On each visit to Jakarta, I bought plenty. Families, relatives and friends also helped me to bring.

4. True, collections of Indonesian books would never beat the French or English or German catered by the school and local libraries. But I never gave up and read Indonesian from French and English books, even from German books to my kids, since they were babies.

5. I've been teaching him how to play the piano in Indonesian (although the books are in English)

6. Doing activities and games in Indonesian (using English books and teaching aids)

7. I learned that wisdom in many Indonesian fairy tales were not logical to my kids. It didn't matter. They didn't know how to read yet, so I improvised many stories.

8. I looked for books that my kids like. When Joseph was 3 yo, he was crazy about Bob the Builders and Cars. I bought stacks of them.

9. Introduced to themes new to my kids. Franklin the Turtles was a character Joseph didn't know and I introduced it through reading. When he saw Franklin on TV, he was surprised to see it existed both in Indonesian and English.

10. Pre-reading in Indonesian also makes kids understand that Indonesian language is equal to any other language. It's very important for my kids to know that they can find nearly everything in my language. (Joseph and Louise learned about volcano at school and at home I read it also in Indonesian).

READING SKILL

1. Joseph had enough Indonesian vocabularies and knew the Indonesian grammar when entering grade school.

2. I waited until his reading skill in French and English were firm. I supervised his homework and when he had less and less errors in spelling and read faster in both languages, I began to ask him to read Indonesian.

3. Reading skill is transferrable. Joseph knew how to read in German so I told him that Indonesian alfphabet reads like German. Also, he's used to cracking the codes of the other three languages, so reading Indonesian came with ease.

4. At the beginning he was unsure of himself, however, his vast knowledge in Indonesian vocabs and gramma enabled him to guess on how to read a word, which boosted his confidence and motivated him to read more.

5. As shown on videos and photos above, I first chose topics he likes before moving to a completely new topic. After that, we began to work with the Indonesian academic books. This showed him that, just like the other two languages, there are also rules in Indonesian. He began to understand syllables, correct intonations, nouns and verbs.

6. Rule of the thumbs: I never pushed him. Everything should be fun and relaxed.

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Updates on Our Kids' Trilingualism!

Sun, 19 Dec 2010 22:54:03 GMT

Hello, if there is still anyone reading this blog. Again, very sorry for my very long absence.

Reasons:

1. I just finished writing a 325 pages manuscript, which is now being considered by a publisher (and me feeling very nervous about the yes-or-no result that will come only within 3 months from now)

2. I had two trips to Indonesia (in July-Aug for 5 weeks, in Nov-Dec for 3 weeks)

3. When doing no. 1, I was basically writing, doing research and interview, and of course, day-dreaming in between taking care of the kids and doing house chores.

4. Points 1, 2, 3 sucked up all my energy.

-----------

How are the kids doing?

It's obvious that the Australian nice weather, beaches, good food and the laid-back culture make our kids happier.

At the French school, Joseph is now at CE1/year 2/ grade 2 and Louise is at Maternelle Petite Section/Preschool 1.

Joseph feels more content with the French school here than to the previous one in Germany. The teaching is fun, homework is less but of course they still learn a lot. He reads both in French and English.

I was neglecting my youtube accounts for many months. Yesterday when uploading, I was surprised to find lots of messages in my inbox. Most were from other parents of multilingual kids and some from college students asking for updates and tips . Those students requested for my permissions to use some of the videos in their presentations.

Since last week, I've been filming our kids and below are 4 of them showing their progress in Indonesian, French and English languages. I hope these can also be useful for other parents or students.

Folks, my plan is to update again asap! Have a good Monday!

Publications: My fiction debut in Femina Magazine, Article on Multilingualism in Le Banian

Thu, 03 Jun 2010 11:18:07 GMT

Apologize for having neglected this blog for many months. ziggyzest , thank you for nudging me :D.

It's been raining a lot these past few days. As winter is approaching, the temperature goes down to around 11 degr C during the day. Warm enough to go around with light jackets, big umbrellas and rubber boots. However, insulations in houses in Sydney are very bad which makes the cold creeps and stays inside the apartments. And like most houses over here, our house is not equipped with central heating. I sometimes feel ridiculous to put heavy sweaters, socks and bathrobe to keep myself warm inside, then when leaving the house, it turns out that it's warm outside. Anyway, it's a minor thing which hardly put my mood down.

On another topic, moving to down under has changed my writing taste. Suddenly I'm very much into fiction which explains my long absence from the blogging world.

Today, Femina Magazine No. 22/XXXVIII (5-11 June 2010) published my first ever written short story, titled "Kereta Bawah Tanah" (the Subway Train), written in the Indonesian language, with Munich, Germany as the setting. It's about a chain of events that happened to five people who witnessed a murder in a subway train.
PS: Monica in Jakarta, thank you for helping me to scan!!!

Last year In December, Le Banian published my article titled "Parler la langue indonesienne alors qu'il y en a tant d'autres' (Speaking Indonesian Language While There Are So Many Others) where I shared the multilingual journey of our family. It was translated to French by Le Banian's Miss Guygot and Miss Blanchard.

At this very moment, I'm in the middle of a fiction writing project, which I hope will be finalized soon.

I will make effort to keep this blog alive, especially now that kids are growing (Joseph is 6.5 yo, Louise is 3.5) and we are back to our trilingual Indonesian, French, English formula. My plan is to update our youtube video asap, on the conversation between the four of us, which is now becoming very complicated as both kids speak and understand the three languages.

The Arrival of Our 'Home' Lifts Up My Mood

Thu, 11 Mar 2010 23:26:04 GMT

Our container was delivered yesterday, 174 boxes, big and small. Kids shrieked in excitement when finding their toys, books and beds, I didn't stop humming Henry Bishop's "Home! Sweet Home!" while opening the boxes full of my very own kitchen tools, and husband immediately rearranged the furniture for a work corner. It's good to have our 'home' back.

It's also a relieve to know that I will be busy tidying up our place for the next couple of weeks. I feel rather lost and bored lately. Sydney is wonderful, I enjoy living here and cannot say enough thank you to the Creator for everything we have. However the lack of challenge when fitting myself into the practical matters in Sydney brings me to another stage too early.

What I meant by practical matters are, for examples: getting myself used to the F-word regularly shout by the locals, picking-up my kids with the far-from-perfect public transportation system, accepting the slighlthy unfair health-care for Temporary Residents, etc. It takes a bit of courage to settle those kind of things, but they are just part of another culture to conquer, another system to follow. The experience can be annoying, however I find it mostly interesting, amusing and entertaining. It rarely consumes my mind and energy.

Besides, there is almost no obstacle in the language department. Living in an English speaking country eliminates the urgency to learn another language. Beyond the sometimes-weird Australian accent, there is hardly any pumping adrenaline and guessing game while dealing with the locals.

So far my kids have no problem at school, husband is satisfied with his new job and with everything sails so smoothly suddenly there is not enough things to keep me busy. My writing and research are still on-going and Louise are at home three days per week, yet I still have more than sufficient time to let my mind wanders and found myself leaping into the 'desperately needing a confidante' stage a bit too soon.

Those who (used to) move often might know the pain of finding a true friend in a new place. I'm not somebody who eagerly joins a large group of people to make friends with everybody but I'm also not a kind of person who can live without another female companion. I would rather get together with those I feel comfortable with -hoping to build some friendships that will last - than merely mingle with anybody available on the spot. Although some bad experiences did occur (this usually happened when I opened up myself too much to somobedy, thinking that we were clicking very well while actually we just misunderstood and misinterpreted every single thing), it never stopped my effort to find (an)other three-dimensional true friend(s) whenever I moved to a new country.

The urgency to have a confidante could be lowered by occupying myself with other things. Like when in the year 2000 I moved back to Holland after our marriage, I immediately hit the job market and worked full time. Four years later, we moved to the US. Although I just turned myself from an office worker into a homemaker, I was busy with my newborn Joseph and was lucky enough to have found friends down there before we left Holland.

In 2008 we arrived in Munich with one-year-old Louise and a German language to learn. The four of us went through a full of adrenaline fitting-in period and eventhough I began to make friends only 5 months later, with my book project I wrote in between, I had enough things in mind to think about loneliness. Later when we knew that we were about to move to Australia, I made lots of plans and ideas while still in Munich but feeling lonely too soon is a bit of a hindrance to my spirit and productivity.

Skyping my faraway best friends helps though, sharing stories with old pals never failed to cheer me up. Plus actually I knew very well fitting ourselves into a new country is a complex experience and one way or another, sooner or later, we will hit the unpleasent spot. I also knew that the best thing to do is simply to take the ride until we get through it. Still sometimes things are easier said than done, eventhough we've been through the same things several times in our lives.

Now that our 'home' is delivered, I'm in a much better mood. Yesterday I have found some memorabilia which reminded me to those good days I spent with my old confidantes in my previous hometowns. Who knows, maybe a good aura will speed-up the process of me meeting the new one(s).

Settling Down

Wed, 03 Feb 2010 23:55:41 GMT

Got the internet connection last night!!

Three weeks after living at a hotel, we moved into a rental apt on 20 January. Staying in a hotel room with a two-year and six-year-olds was harsh. We went out everyday but returning to the room was never pleasant. They needed more space and I was screaming for some privacy. Glad it was over :D (it was actually nothing compared to my parents' experience back in 1978: living with three teenagers and a 4-year-old for THREE MONTHS at a hotel in The Hague, as we arrived in Holland while the house was still under construction)

How did we get the apt?

We checked some apartment listings on the internet and inspected 15 units between 5-9 January. Having used to the clean and well maintaned apts in Munich, the condition of the ones in Sydney came to us as a shock. The rental here is pricey, as a matter of fact it's way above the price back in Munich (while Munich is already one of the most expensive cities in Europe). So it's a shame that many owners in Sydney don't even care to present their apts nicely!

The first 12 apts we inspected, ranging from our lowest to highest budget, were mostly old and/or dirty. Some were so dirty that our kids sneezed continuously during our brief minutes there. Some others had dead cockroaches laying around, and with disgusting stains on the carpets or tiles. The rest were so ancient and looked as if they came straight out of a movie from the 1970s.

The last 3 units we saw were rather nice. One was a newly-renovated 3 bedroom with wooden floor, but located above a massage parlor. The second had 2 beds and 2 baths with swimming pool onsite but the bathrooms are rather yuckie for my standard, plus I could hardly feel the breeze of the wind inside the unit (note: Sydney's summer is fierce. A very kind lady at the hotel strongly advised us to look for one with THE breeze). The last one was on the top floor of a 3 story building, 2 beds, with lots of breeze and sparkling clean bathroom and kitchen.

We chose the third option, and guess what: the owner is German, from Munich, which explains why it looked super clean compare to the others. The building is located uphill, within walking distance to shops, 5 mins by bus to the school and beach.

View of Sydney's CBD from our sun-room

Our container is still somewhere in the ocean and will arrive in another 2-3 weeks. We are living with borrowed air beds and dining chairs for now.

Husband commutes 40 mins by car to his office. As our house is really well located, we hope to live with only one car.

Kids and I spent the first week going around the junction of our suburb. Lots of Asian restaurants, shops and 3 big supermarkets. The public library system is much better than the one in Munich (although it's still below the standard of the library in our suburb back in Illinois) and we were hanging around the library almost everyday. I borrowed the Twilight saga and without internet at home, I finished reading all 4 in 2 weeks (and I'm so much in love with Edward Cullen ... LOL)

On 27 January, a day after the Australia Day, Joseph started his school at the French School and Louise began her twice-per-week schooling at an Australian day care.

Kids were proud with their Australian flags

.........to be continued ........

From Germany to Australia

Sat, 02 Jan 2010 12:01:52 GMT

Kids had their last crepes from Christkindlmarkt Marienplatz on 18 December

On 19 December, Joseph flew to France as an unaccompanied child

My brother and family drove from Amsterdam to visit us on 20 December. Picture of my brother and I was taken in front of the Rathaus in Marienplatz

21 December, husband and I sort out and put everything in order for the movers

Louise enjoyed her last snow in Munich on 22 December while the movers were packing everything

Things were loaded into the container in the mornting of 23 December. At 14.00 hours husband, Louise and I left Munich for France by car.

Spending Christmas with kids' great grannies in France

We drove from great grannies' place in Alsace to Zurich in the early morning of 28 December, to catch the plane to Spore. We spent one night in Spore and went to Orchard Road, accompanied by my blogger friend Migo.

(picture from ratevin.com)
Finally we arrived in Sydney in the evening of 30 December. We were having a heavy jetlag (10 hours difference from West Europe timezone) that kids could stay awake to see the new year eve's fireworks near Sydney Harbor

First day of 2010 was spent at the Cronulla Beach.

In the next coming weeks we will be busy looking for our own apt (we are now still staying at a serviced-apt), converting our driving licenses and other things related to settling down in a new country.

Kids are still tired and try to adapt to the new things. Joseph keeps on asking on when our 'home' will arrive (he meant our furniture) because he wants to play with his toys. The new sound around her (even the birds chirp and sing differently here) makes Louise jump and sometimes run to us for comfort. Husband and I try to calm them down by sticking to their routine and hugging them more.

This Germany-Australia move is the most tiring and most complicated for us, both mentally and physically. Looking through the pictures, it's really bizzare that we were still in Europe for Xmas and then flew 20 hours down the southern hemisphere one day before the end of 2009. "New year 2010 in a new country" is something easy to remember, though.

German Language, Munich and Its Culture Become Part of Who We Are

Thu, 17 Dec 2009 06:25:41 GMT

Counting down to our last day in Germany, I had an 'exit meeting' with Joseph's school teachers to touch base on his progress.

Thanks to the occupational therapy that he's been following for nearly a year, teachers said Joseph's motor skill and focusing ability are developing very well. As a result, he follows every activity with confident and writes both cursive and block writing clearly enough (yeah, the French education system teaches cursive writing in CP/first grade). Joseph remembers everything he sees, looks, does and hears. He has a good language ability: pronounces French and German words very well and speaks German fluently although he arrived in Munich less than 2 years ago. He loves to read and is able to read in both languages well enough for his age.

Joseph (in shorts) is now faster and eager to run after the ball at his soccer club

The bilingual education system in this French school is very good that kids become biliterate at such a young age. This is a proof that, if parents and school facilitate enough, it is possible to raise multilingual AND multiliterate children.

Teachers also said that Joseph needs to work extra on his math. It's not related to his attention span but it's just him who, how should I say it, who has a bit different mathematical logic. Teachers said he belongs to a group in the class that needs some additional hours in math. This is interesting. Indeed sometimes Joseph came home with only little understanding on how the triple-addition and subtraction work, but he could grab my explanation within minutes. I'm also considered (very) weak in math, and it seems the way I teach him math is in conform to his logic. Long time ago I told husband that he's the one who should teach the kids math as husband is basically a math champion. But after listening to what the teachers said and teaching Joseph myself, I think husband should teach me first and I'm the one who should assist Joseph. This way will make math learning more enjoyable to Joseph because I, who has the same logic, will explain things clearer to him. This new fact also motivates me to restart his piano lesson, which I stopped 3 months ago because I was overwhelmed by the amount of homework he got everyday from school. I'm convinced that learning music and math are somehow correlated to each other and his piano ability will develop his math logic as well.

Last week was my last day at the German integration course (der Frauenkurs). As I wrote in previous posts, it's not only about learning German language, but also about learning people from different backgrounds and cultures. My classmates are wonderful and strong ladies that, despite the harsh lives they experienced, they still have the courage and passion to embrace the German language and integrate to their new adopted country. My teacher herself is just incredible with her ability to teach and connect to each of her students. I miss them already.

While mama was busy learning German, Louise went to the betreuung (child care) available on site. She played, made friends and acquired German. During the last weeks, Louise, at 2 years and 9 months old, understood more German and was able to say some simple German phrases, like: "Das auch nicht", "Das ist meine", "Ich will das nicht".

Seeing our kids speak German, some friends asked if we are going to put them in a German course in Australia. The answer is no. Husband and I are not Germans. Our kids speak German only because we live in Germany. Our family lives with three active languages already. As German is not present in Australia, we will let it stay at the back of their heads for now and let their French, Indonesian and English languages develop in every way. Later on when there is a German class at school, we will let them take it if they are interested.

On the other hand, we want to keep the memory of Muenchen and its language alive for our kids. Husband and I also grew up here and there and we understand that German culture is becoming part of who they are and we realize the importance of keeping their identities. I've been hunting for good quality German children's songs, which strangely enough hard to find, and let them listen to it now and later in Australia, to keep their beautiful childhood memories. Just like what we've been doing to keep our kids connected to their previous countries of residence, the USA, and for Joseph, also Holland.

We live in Munich for 21 months only, yet I think we've done our best to absorb its positive aspects and integrate ourselves to this awesome city. We're glad that German language, Munich and its culture are now part of who we are. Joseph's teachers told me that he is proud of his multicultural and global nomad identities. He told them that "My mother is Indonesian, papa is French. I speak 4 languages, have been living in Holland, America and Germany and soon I will be living in Australia."

Approaching "Good-Bye" and "Hello" days, interview with the Jakarta Globe

Sat, 28 Nov 2009 09:21:22 GMT

With husband being on travel for the whole month of November, we have been video-skyping each other almost everyday. Our topic is always about the move, no romance whatsoever. Paperwork comes from both Germany and Australia and we need to sort out everything together. For example, on one side we have to stop our contracts with, among others, the phone company and apartment owner in Munich. On the other side, the Australian immigration asks, among many many other things, Certificates Good of Conducts from the countries we've been living for the past 10 years (3 countries for hubby, and 4 for myself).

Busy and tired? Sure. Preparing to move is a pain. However, relocating between oceans means the movers will pack every single thing we bring inside the container. So like the Indonesians always say: we are still lucky (masih untung) there will be no packing hassle on our side. As a truly Indonesian myself, I keep on counting my blessings to see the silver lining between these crazy days. Like luckily we have an agent who helps taking care of our visa and received it in a lightning speed, luckily our kids are already in the French schooling system in Munich so since a month ago they are already listed in the French school in Australia, luckily husband and I are a good team when it comes to relocation, and so forth.

We told our kids about the move before husband left for travel. Joseph, at 6 years old, was sad at the beginning, as he understood he will leave his friends and girl friend(!) behind. After a while, he became excited and asked questions about Australia. "Will there be active volcanoes down there?", "Are we going to experience heavy earthquakes?", "Will there be living mummies walking on the streets?" and hundreds of other weird questions related to his current interests. Louise, at 2 years and 7 months old, was simply too young to understand.

A month from today I will be leaving Europe for the 4th time in my life. The previous three were in 1981, 1999 and 2004 and it's tough to think I will be away again from this great continent. Regular readers of this blog might know that I've been trying to analyze my TCK identity. It's a blessing, and a curse, to have grown-up in many lands and to keep on living nomadically as adult. The experience has taught me to view things from different perspectives: to see the beauty in ugly, feel the pleasure in pain, and smell the nice perfume inside a rotten trash. These enable me to befriend those from various backgrounds, fall in love to every place I live in and cherish every bad moment I go trough. Somehow living here and there has toughened me: prepare everything until the smallest detail, work very hard to reach my goal, set aside attitudes I consider mellow and find ways to overcome obstacles.

Yet being here and there lead me to face an accumulated broken-heart and homesickness towards everything I touch, see, hear and smell. It turned me into a sensitive-melancholic person. A song, story, poem, photo, painting or picture brings back memories, moves me easily and even puts me in tears. Between dealing with the hustle-and-bustle of our relocation, my mind will go back to the days my brothers and I played together in Wassenaar, weekends in Damascus where my father and I spent at the swimming pool, days when husband and I were dating each other in Amsterdam, university hallways in New Orleans, corners at the Children's Museum in Chicago, the safe and secure feelings that made me fall for Munich, and sad faces of my parents each time my vacation in Jakarta ended.

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Last summer The Jakarta Globe interviewed some adult TCK including myself. Title of the article: "Third-Culture Kids Live Life on a Global Stage" and the link is here.

Good-Bye Holland (for now) & Jo's magic candles.

Sun, 08 Nov 2009 09:27:56 GMT

Joseph and I went to the Netherlands during his school's autumn break where we stayed at my brother's in Amsterdam.

Visiting Joseph's birth city, Almere Stad. Above is Almere's central station, below is Jo's birth hospital. Back in February 2004 we left Almere with 3.5 months old Joseph. On 28 October 2009, he came back as a big kid (almost-six-year-old). Unlike other 'classic' cities in the Netherlands which basically look the same since the first time I set foot in Holland in 1978, Almere keeps on changing. It's a young city that diligently builds new infrastructures within a short time.

My brother and sister-in-law brought us to Afsluitdijk, the first layer of many dams that prevents the Netherlands from drowning. On the first picture, we can see how the dam separates the sea water (on the left side) from the inner water (right side). On the second picture, Joseph and his auntie were posing on the wall explaining about the dam. My brother told me, our father brought the whole family to Afsluitdijk not long after we arrived in Holland.

Of course seeing some friends were part of the agenda. Above: some of my ex-colleagues from our office in Amsterdam (Susi, Ambar, Mieke) at a Korean Restaurant in Amstelveen. Below: Multilingual mommies (Christine, Ambar, Dian and Astrid) at Christine's home in Utrecht, lots of laughs, good chat and delicious Indonesian food.

Joseph and I also met some online friends, Lorraine of Chez Lorraine and the Pelopor clan (Jerry, Bonnie and Ingmar). Jerry was the coolest grandpa, father and father-in-law I've ever met. Bonnie was warm and out going, Ingmar charmed Joseph the moment he entered the restaurant. As for Lorraine, it's our 2nd meeting and I felt very comfy being around this wise lady. Jerry, Bonnie and Ingmar: if you guys don't mind, I would love to include the picture of us here as well :D.

Of course, I cannot miss the chance to munch again at this Dutch broodje haring, complete with its smelly raw onion and pickles (as if the raw herring is not smelly enough). I missed it so much that I ate 3 at once. LOL!!

I visited Holland three times since we moved to Germany in 2008 (the previous two was in Oct 08 and April 09) and it has never failed to give me good vibes. Last weeks' visit was a good 'closure' before we leave for Australia.

Bye2 Holland, for now. I will return, as always!!!

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Last but no least, Joseph celebrates his 6th birthday today 8 Nov 2009. We put 6 magic candles on his birthday cake this morning and had a good laugh seeing him and Louise trying to blow them off.