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Up and Down the Roller Coaster!

With our upcoming move, I came to realize that I've been riding a roller coaster without any break since a couple of years. Although I began to move when I was little and very much familiar with the sudden change in my life, these past years have been unusual.

Starting from the birth of Louise March 2007 in Chicago: the adjustment from handling only one child to multitasking.

... *gasping* ...

A year later  we had to cross the Atlantic ocean to move back to Europe: Germany. At the same time I began to write in the media and started  the book: juggling between being a mom, wife, writer, and editor ... in a new country. 

... *sweating, gasping*...

Summer 2009, the book was published and launched in Jakarta, Indonesia: the fruit of a hard work, a 6 week of fame and I was happy to see my parents and siblings.


Shortly after our return to Munich, in the midst of me having (reverse) culture shock from all those hustle and bustle in Jakarta: "Honey, I got a better job offer in the southern hemisphere and we will move soon", announced husband.

....*suddenly out of breathe,* ......what????

...*thinking fast forward: Australia.... fantastic!*

....*disintegrating myself  from Munich, the city I came to love, where we've been living for less than 2 years:  P.A.I.N.F.U.L.* ....

C'est la vie. I enjoy every beat of my life and wouldn't trade it with anything else. Yet riding a roller coaster over and over again is overwhelming and I often find tears running down my cheeks from these mixtures of feeling.


( 24 comments — Leave a comment )
Oct. 14th, 2009 08:46 am (UTC)
don't know
i don't know if i should congratulate you for moving to a warmer country or feeling sorry that you keep on moving elsewhere, mbak :))

anyway, good luck with everything, hopefully you and especially the children could adapt well to the new country
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:24 pm (UTC)
Re: don't know
Haha I both happy and melancholic feelings are mixed together
Oct. 14th, 2009 12:52 pm (UTC)
Cool! Welcome to Australia! Where abouts in Australia will you and your family be based? I'd give anything for a nomadic existence like yours!
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:27 pm (UTC)
Hey .. I thought you're also still on the move ..
Oct. 28th, 2009 05:56 am (UTC)
Nope I think we'll stay put in Adelaide for a while, my husband has a family business to attend to here.

So which Australian city will you and your family reside in?
Nov. 8th, 2009 11:08 am (UTC)
I sent a message to your LJ inbox sometime ago regarding the answer :D.
Oct. 14th, 2009 03:09 pm (UTC)
c'est la vie indeed. I can barely keep up with where I am myself from one month to another so when every email from a friends starts with, "So where are you now?" I can't be too surprised.
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:28 pm (UTC)
Have been reading your journal :D. It's complicated to explain how we feel to those who are not nomad :D.
Oct. 14th, 2009 06:53 pm (UTC)
que sera sera... whatever wil be, will be...
like your attitude. going up and down in a roller coaster is good to exercise your heart :p
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:29 pm (UTC)
Klub jantung eh hati sehat hehehehe
Oct. 15th, 2009 10:38 am (UTC)
All of you simply are explorers with the virtues which go with it: curious, open minded, adventurous, courageous, enterprising and a lot more...

I think it's a pity you leave Europe so soon. But I'm sure you will grasp the opportunity to teach your children to talk English with the proper Australian accent real soon.

(And maybe you will stay on the move and return one day to where you started from)

Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:29 pm (UTC)
Yeah .. I can't get enough of Europe hehe. But at least (hopefully) we will indeed see each other next week. Yay!!
Oct. 15th, 2009 08:24 pm (UTC)
Wow San...don't know what to say. But I'm sure whatever decision you and your family make, it will be for the best...and you will handle everything nicely...:):) Good luck ! Remember to give me your australia's address since I'd loveee to visit Australia sometimes in the future...:):):)
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:30 pm (UTC)
Iiin ... bener nih yaaa ... kalian kalau ke down under, bilang2 moga2 ke kota ku juga yaaaa heheheh.
Oct. 18th, 2009 01:44 pm (UTC)
I, too, have been living on a roller-coaster. Life taught me that we're not always on the top.

And leaving a country we just learned to love, that's painful :(

Good luck on moving!
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:32 pm (UTC)
Safira, exactly ... being on a roller coaster actually prepares us to deal with every situation. But you know lah .. it's sometimes hard when we're in the middle of it heheh.
Oct. 20th, 2009 06:57 pm (UTC)
Congrats San! Aussie...great....can't wait to hear your family's life sto next...beside, every changes bear a dillema:)Hani Louisville
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:32 pm (UTC)
We cannot live in all places we love at the same time ya hehehe. Thanks.
Oct. 21st, 2009 07:34 pm (UTC)
are you going to continue to have your children learn german after you move?
Oct. 23rd, 2009 03:35 pm (UTC)
We will take it easy. We will stock up to german CDs and some books for the kids to acknowledge their connection to Deutsch. However, I don't think we will put them into German course anytime soon.
Oct. 29th, 2009 12:33 pm (UTC)
oh gosh... I remember the days when I was facing such situations all the time. Some days I was so tired of all the moving around or the promise of having to once again move around and all the potential future havoc that could happen again in my life that I really and seriously wish I didn't have to wake up the next day.
But at the same time...I've been back for a while in the country of my choice and upbringing a while now .. and I've gone through all kinds of stuff being back: reverse culture schock, boredom and stagnation. Depression and dissappointment. Now i'm finally sort of adjusted back to'home' as it were but home it is not. And part of me has still remained a wanderer, while still, at any prospect of change, leaping back scared and tired. With the words "not this again" going through my head. And yet the next moment it's all changed and I'm going
" Why did I just DO that?"
Sometimes I think that going through too many changes makes you incapable of having a healthy relationship with change later on.
I remember myself when life was simpler. I hated change but I also saw it as more of an adventure than I do now. When I didn't know what words like "beaurocracy" , 'homesickness''displacement' and yep, even 'culture clash' meant.
And yet reading this part of me still wishes I had this kind of life.
One thing i would say here though is : seriously, think of your kid.
Adults can cope with this sort of thing but... how is your child going to cope with all the mix of school and social systems,loss of familiar spaces, faces, languages, even ( for when you move abroad the new language you learn pushes out the old ones still) and more importantly, loss of security and break-down of friendship?

I think, no matter what it gave me, I will always resent - no- hate. My parents for having uprooted me aged 16 to Germany.
It's made me volatile, made it hard for me to build my life, settle down anywhere. It's meant an aful lot of pointless separation from places and people I've loved.

Sure, this kind of thing is a personal choice. If you choose it, that's fine. If your husband chooses it, that's fine.

But it was my step-father's fault that we didn't stay in England when
we could have. He too, wanted to chase his 'carreer'.

And then, three years ago he dumped us abroad, with no support.
Because he wanted to pursue a new career opportunity ( and even love)in China.

Now i know. It's only some male incapacity to secure family life that uproots that family life. No matter how adventurous the woman might be. We are homemakers. We weep each time we lose a home.
Men don't.

But we have to think of our children, their psychological well-being.

Because men will never take the time out of their lives to do so.

If I had a husband like yours, I'd tell him to go chasing exotic dreams with someone else. Not to stake other's lives on his adventures.

Sorry. Just my opinion.

But it sounds like it's about time your husband grew up a little but and realised, he's already got a job, he's got a family he manages to support, he's even got a nice country to live in. Everything else is just selfish greed.

Oct. 29th, 2009 03:59 pm (UTC)
I'm sorry that you feel thisway about growing up abroad. It's indeed tough to be uprooted and to experience culture shock again and again. Husband and I moved a lot when we were little, and we went through more or less the same thing as you so I could relate to what you wrote.

However, I feel that the joy and pain of growing up abroad (following my father's tour of duty) have shaped me into a person I am now and I can only be thankful.

I never consider my husband as immature or greedy because so far his dreams are also mine.

As husband is also an adult TCK, we are raising our kids like our parents did to us, with some improvisations here and there.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts

Oct. 29th, 2009 11:34 pm (UTC)
Argh. you know what - you're right. Ignore me.

I'm sorry if I sounded like I was mouthing off about you or your husband.

Tomorrow I'll probably back here going "ooh this all sounds so cool" anyway.

Just because it didn't work for me it doesn't mean it can't work for other people. Wish you all the best! Especially that you stay all together.. unlike my family did..

Nov. 8th, 2009 11:10 am (UTC)
It's ok, ziggyzest .. it's always interesting to hear somebody else's opinion :D
( 24 comments — Leave a comment )

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